


you could be my heartache

by chopinseimei



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, set just after the gala at 2018 olys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-27 01:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13870068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chopinseimei/pseuds/chopinseimei
Summary: '“Even I thought I couldn’t come back for a while. The doctors couldn’t figure out was wrong; just that I should rest for a good few months, but-” he shuffles a little closer to Shoma, leaning on him slightly. The other either doesn’t notice or care, and Yuzuru swears this is just to put less strain on his ankle. “I didn’t want to miss this.”The silence is comfortable, then, and Yuzuru finally finds himself able to clear his thoughts, finally able to find someone to lean on- literally. At some point, Shoma’s head had ended up on his shoulder, fingers barely brushing together. It’s so tempting, to just take Shoma’s hand in his and tell him all he’s been thinking lately;is it normal that I want to kiss you, is it normal that I still watched you skate when I was injured even if it hurt, is it normal that I think I’m in love with you.'





	you could be my heartache

Yuzuru escapes to the roof the night following the gala, and he doesn’t quite know why until he finally feels the soft breeze on his face, sees the stars twinkling amongst the dark blue blotches of sky, feels so _ alive,  _ and that’s when he finally knows this is it. 

Two-time Olympic gold medalist. The title feels heavy, another weight added onto his shoulders along with all the other expectations put upon him over the years, but he’ll get used to it, he supposes. Like all the others, he’ll simply learn to skate with this suffocating feeling, choking and choking until there’s nothing else to do but try to run from it. And it does work sometimes, because even now, still gripped by the claws of an injury that painkillers can’t drown out, he’d gone out there and skated at a level that he finally felt he could call  _ great.  _ Not fantastic and far from perfect, but.. He finally feels like he’d deserved the gold.

If he’s being honest, he doesn’t know why he’d bought his medal up here with him. He couldn’t be bothered to remove it after all the interviews, but maybe the heavy weight in this hand is helping everything set in, helps prove that this is happening.

He wonders what’s next for him; he knows the quad axel is there, just out of his reach, and he’s already talked to Brian about it. They’ll start training it after Yuzuru’s injury is fully healed, which is… well, after Worlds, he knows for sure. At this rate, he won’t be going. Javi already isn’t, which is a fact that Yuzuru had accepted through furious tears and protests that  _ you can’t retire yet, you’ve still got time, I can't do this without you, _ so maybe Shoma will have the spotlight for once. He’s still young, no major injury and really nothing much to lose except his status of being in Yuzuru’s shadow. Sure, his jumps are absolutely terrifying to watch and there’s still a little something to be desired in his artistry, but when Yuzuru eventually retires (which he isn’t planning on doing anytime soon) Shoma’s a safe bet for a future champion.

Still deep in his thoughts- something about Shoma’s skating, how even unpolished it’s oddly enchanting to watch- he doesn’t hear the door to the roof open behind him, and doesn’t notice the other person walking toward him until he’s sat down next to him.

“Hey,” Shoma says, and Yuzuru immediately finds himself drawn to Shoma’s eyes, dark and dotted with small stars. He only stops staring once the silence gets awkward, which is after just a few seconds of Shoma looking half like he wants to leave and half like he wants to say something else. “I didn’t think anyone else would be up here. It’s nice, though.” the younger continues before Yuzuru can say anything, staring down below them at the relative peace of the rest of the village.

“I can’t believe we’re leaving soon.” Yuzuru thinks aloud; it’s true, he’s only got one day left here for interviews and such before he leaves for Japan, where he’ll no doubt be swarmed by reporters and fans the moment he steps into the airport. It sounds a little arrogant, he knows, but it’s true. He wishes he could get a break from this, sometimes, but he guesses he was asking for it when he first won in Sochi.

Shoma smiles a little, and Yuzuru can’t help but watch the way the lights on the roof reflect on his features, lips still curled up slightly and looking oh-so soft. And kissable, maybe, if this were a different world where Yuzuru’s actions didn’t have serious consequences. “Me neither,” Shoma begins, shifting his position slightly so he can fold his arms over his legs, which are pulled to his chest. “Even if this is only my first Olympics and I’ve still got at least one more.. I feel like I won’t get to experience this again.” Yuzuru understands; in Sochi, even compared to now, the feeling of that gold medal (deserved or not) around his neck had been one he’s never really going to forget.

"Yeah,” is all that Yuzuru settles for, before continuing, “I mean. I won’t be the same as you, I…”

“To come back from an injury like that,” Shoma interrupts, breath catching in his throat a little as the breeze picks up. “It’s.. for a while, I didn’t think you’d be here. The video from when you fell… I kept rewatching it, like I could undo it somehow. It looked so painful.”

“It was.” even now, he can remember it; the jump was doomed from the moment he’d launched into the air, off axis and too light and limbs too loose. “Even I thought I couldn’t come back for a while. The doctors couldn’t figure out was wrong; just that I should rest for a good few months, but-” he shuffles a little closer to Shoma, leaning on him slightly. The other either doesn’t notice or care, and Yuzuru swears this is just to put less strain on his ankle. “I didn’t want to miss this.”

The silence is comfortable, then, and Yuzuru finally finds himself able to clear his thoughts, finally able to find someone to lean on- literally. At some point, Shoma’s head had ended up on his shoulder, fingers barely brushing together. It’s so tempting, to just take Shoma’s hand in his and tell him all he’s been thinking lately;  _ is it normal that I want to kiss you, is it normal that I still watched you skate when I was injured even if it hurt, is it normal that I think I’m in love with you. _

But then Shoma speaks; “You’re amazing, you know that?” Yuzuru feels his heartbeat quicken, everything suddenly too close, but even then he can’t bring himself to pull away from Shoma’s warmth. “I mean, I could never do what you did- you only just started doing quads again but you almost beat your own record in the short, and now you’re a _ two-time Olympic champion.”  _ and then, after a few more moments, “does it still hurt?”

“Yes.” Yuzuru answers immediately, even if he doesn’t know what exactly Shoma’s talking about. He’s coming off of the painkillers tomorrow, and if he’s being perfectly honest he doesn’t know if he’s ready, if within a few minutes of feeling again he’ll be a crumpled heap of sobs in his bed like he had been when it’d first happened.

“Oh,” Shoma says, and turns to him. He looks ethereal; soft starlight lighting up his features, lips parted slightly and eyes glimmering, hair so dark it’s almost lost in the night sky. He wants to kiss him, so, so badly, but he doesn't. Settles for Shoma’s hand in his, something weighing him down and stopping him from doing something he’ll regret.

But even so, he can’t help but imagine Shoma’s lips on his, arms wrapped around him and eyes closed. He can almost feel it, feel the warmth and happiness all at once, but he knows it isn’t real when he inevitably comes back to reality. Shoma is still staring at him, and the breeze has calmed a little now. He hears his own voice, but doesn’t really register what he’s saying, only the fact that Shoma has one hand cupping his cheek. It’s warm.

“Yuzuru,” he begins. Stops, eyes flickering downward to Yuzuru’s lips. “Can I kiss you?”

He’s moving forward before he can help it, a hand on Shoma’s waist. His lips aren’t as soft as they’d looked or Yuzuru had imagined, dry and slightly chapped, but irresistible nonetheless. The first kiss is brief, but when they pull away Yuzuru finds himself chasing Shoma’s lips again, and he’s lost in the feeling; so, so warm, and if Yuzuru had felt peaceful before then this is something else completely.

But all good things come to an end, unfortunately, and when they’re both too breathless to continue, Shoma pulls away just slightly, face flushed. “Um.” he laughs awkwardly, moving away so he doesn’t accidentally headbutt Yuzuru. “I wasn’t- going to tell you like  _ that,  _ but-”

_ “I think I’m in love with you. _ ” they both say at the same time. Shoma’s eyes widen, blush deepening, and Yuzuru’s pretty sure he does the same thing. The younger is messing with his hands, looking flustered.

“And I’d like to be your boyfriend,” Shoma mumbles, then looks down shyly. “I mean, if you’d have me.” Yuzuru laughs, lacing their fingers together, and beams.

“Of course.”

They kiss, again and again and again, until Shoma falls asleep under the moonlight, safe and sound in Yuzuru's arms.

 

**Author's Note:**

> me? unable to stop writing shit? it's more likely than u think  
> but uh yeah this is??? a mess tbh but i like how it turned out so you guys can take it  
> i highkey feel like i'm getting annoying by posting so often but u know what????? fuck u i do what i want!! even publish random stories to cope with post olympic depression!!!!  
> but anyways, hope you guys enjoyed!! my tumblr is chopinseimei if any of u wanna talk to me <3


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